Gullible……

I am a marketer’s dream.  Show me your wares, quote me a price, tell me it will address my “wishful thinking” and I’M IN!!  

Gullible – my iPhone dictionary gives the definition: naive and easily deceived or tricked because of being too trusting.  And had they known me, they could’ve just as easily added  my name — much like Kathy Little!   

I can be swayed!  Case in point…..

Of course, I don’t generally believe just anything.  There’s gotta be some basis of “wishful thinking” on my part behind said purchase…….my most current being that I fell under the spell of Big Mama (i.e. Melanie Shankle) and her Podcast with Boo Mama (Sophie Hudson)  The Big Boo Cast  These gals have written numerous inspirational/devotional books and they regularly (or irregularly) get together to just “talk about life”.  Within all this talking, there’s a lot of discussion on the deficits of life…. and Amazon’s attempt toward the fixes.

Here’s my plight….. my collagen has jumped ship.  It’s gone. Nil.  Nadda.  It was like I woke up one morning and some kind of collagen vacuum had been hooked up to me during the night and suddenly there I stood brushing my teeth with my skin flopping around all over the place.  I’d lost my “filler”, my plumpedness, that stuff that’s normally housed between your skeleton and skin that protects your veins.  An unfortunate byproduct of this condition is that should I hit my hand or wrist on say, a marshmallow, I practically bleed to death underneath said skin!  That, coupled with my general clumsiness, has caused me to look a bit like the walking wounded on any general day.   

Enter into THIS situation a discussion by Big Mama about a new, revolutionary product that will change your world!  It made such sense….. if your body is no longer making collagen, just take it orally.  Why would ya not?  So for a mere $19.99 you can “rebuild and revitalize your entire body from the inside out!”

• •RESTORE YOUTHFUL SKIN, HAIR, & NAILS: Collagen is a naturally-occurring protein found in the human body that is essential for healthy skin, hair, and nails. As we age, collagen production declines, resulting in weak hair and nails, loose, sagging skin, and deep wrinkles. Increasing collagen can promote youthful-looking skin, thicker, healthier hair, and stronger nails.

• •REPAIR JOINTS, TENDONS & CARTILAGE: When we lose collagen, our cartilage, ligaments, and connective tissue start moving with less ease, leading to stiffness, swollen joints and more. Adding hydrolyzed collagen is like greasing a creaky door hinge. helps your joints move more easily, increases flexibility, reduces pain, and rebuilds and repairs connective tissue to support joint health

• •REVITALIZE YOUR BODY FROM INSIDE OUT: After the ripe old age of 30, everyone’s collagen production decreases. Supplementing your diet with hydrolyzed collagen in the absolute best way, to ensure you have the healthy collagen it needs to help keep your body firm and flexible … counteracting the effects of aging, while keeping your skin, hair and nails looking youthful.

You just better believe that I want a BOATLOAD of this stuff!  I bought into their marketing propaganda like I was channeling Ponce de León directly!

My first “red flag” was the packaging itself.

This is the box BEFORE I even touched it with scissors!  It looked like something alive was contained within and was attempting to gnaw it’s way out!  It just really lacked the packaging finesse I’d have expected. But I pressed on…..

And then, there it was….. my “miracle”,  housed within a plastic tub.  I was so excited!

I happened to have a left-over unsweetened  ice tea from lunch and so I quickly poured a scoop into it.  I wish I had taken a picture, but I was too aghast to even consider photography.  It clumped. BIG TIME.

The directions had said:  add one scoop (11g) to your daily coffee, tea, juice, yogurt, smoothie, or even glass of water. Perfotek Hydrolyzed Collagen is flavor and odor free and mixes well with both cold and hot liquids.

They lied.  On several counts.  First of all…. it did not mix well.  It did not mix at all.  I even turned my ice tea into HOT tea, thinking it must’ve been the ice cubes that messed it up…. but microwaving it turned that white floating powder into brown floating powder, looking somewhat like chocolate. But tasting NOTHING like chocolate.  It has an odd taste…. absolutely NOT tasteless, as advertised.  But I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it tasted like.  My closest comparative word is “nasty”.  It tasted “nasty”.  But my health depended on it.  My skin NEEDS me!  My joints, my tendons, my cartilage. How can I let them down just because it tastes nasty.

So I pressed in and pressed on!  I decided to pitch the former iced tea (now hot tea), thinking that was just my bad, and start over.  This time I got plain water, and I cut the quantity in half.  Baby steps, I thought.  It was about this time that Carl came in.  I told him it kinda reminded me of prepping for a colonoscopy, and I was gonna be doing this on a daily basis for the next 41 days.  Make that 40.  I wasted one day’s worth.  (If Carl’s keeping a chart, he has now received further confirmation that his wife is bonafide nuts.) But he chose me…. so I believe he long ago accepted his lot in life, such as it is.  But I digress…..

Anyway…. I mixed up my new batch and this time the color was better.  It was a rather “thick clear”.  (is that a color?)  And I took my potion to the office with me, to choke it down while distracted by work.

I finally thought….. I gotta get to the bottom of all this!  What in the world IS this stuff???  So I trek back into the kitchen to re-assess the ingredients list.  I was HORRIFIED to read:  BOVINE COLLAGEN!! WHAT????

I ain’t no rocket scientist, but even I know what a Bovine is!  But a COW?  A COW, forevermore?  I’m ingesting Cow Collagen??  Needless to say, it’s been quite a challenge today as I’ve been working thru this information…. trying to pep-talk myself into these Bovine Peptides!  Cows DO seem rather plump….. they must have some pretty potent peptides, I guess.  And I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a baggy-skinned Bovine or a bruised Bovine.

And so…… today, as I work on my psyche… I’m not totally nixing the notion, but I have been somewhat “putting off my daily dose”!  First I didn’t want to “ruin my lunch”.  Then I had a “good taste in my mouth from my lunch and didn’t want to ruin that”!  And then I didn’t want to “ruin my supper”….. etc. etc.  Maybe I’ll choke it down yet before bedtime!

Gee, I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to stomach better hair, skin, nails, tendons, cartilage, and joints!  Firm and flexible is a high calling and I’m just not sure I’m up to it!

WAIT!  I just had an idea!  I love a good burger….. what if I sprinkled my collagen into ground chuck?!!  It would kinda be like “coming home again” for the Bovine!  And just think about all those extra calories I’d get if I have a burger-a-day! Now that sounds like a fool-proof plan for plumping out that skin!  But then would that extra weight be counter-intuitive to the whole joint/cartilage issue?  Life’s a quandary!

Well, on one redeeming note……. I do have Shock Volumizing Mascara coming this next week!  Finally…. a mascara that will coat each individual lash with maximum volume in just one stroke —without clumping! Now that IS a SHOCK!! And hence the name, I’m  sure! (I’m quite hopeful it’s Bovine-free!)